I don't understand the new McDonald's ad campaign for their chicken nuggets. The commercials are asking people to self-brand themselves as "Nuggnuts," as in being nuts about nuggets, as in being big fans of pieces of processed chicken parts served in paper containers by people who may or may not have an 8th grade education. The people depicted in the ads are engaging in activities that don't usually call for massive chicken nugget intake (weddings, backstage at concerts, fancy cocktail parties), but the people are scarfing down nuggets like they are filling up the hole where their dignity used to be.
The first thing I want to know is if somebody anywhere has ever had a wedding cake made of chicken nuggets. This decision doesn't just effect one person -- it is something that has to be agreed upon by that person and the person they are marrying. What are the odds of two chicken nugget cake wanting people finding each other in this mixed up world? I would imagine that the type of people who would take time to call up their wedding planner and request a chicken nugget cake not only deserve to be with each other, but should probably be segregated from the rest of society, as they are ridiculously out of touch with current trends in wedding cakes, and also have frosting for brains.
The ad that shows the chichi cocktail and appetizer party is equally perplexing. The ad shows high-society hipster types lounging around a Soho loft, no doubt regaling each other with stories of irony and turtlenecks. They are laughing and whooping it up and eating chicken nuggets served on sterling silver skewers, arranged lovingly on platters shaped like grape leaves. Had I been invited to this party I would have first asked, "where is the booze?" and then "why the fuck are you feeding us chicken nuggets? I thought we were your friends. Are you serious, or is this your sly attempt at postmodern mockery of modern cultural food artifacts and their dubious imposition on the social norms and practices of our everyday lives? Because either way, I can't believe you're feeding us fucking chicken nuggets."
If these ads are successful, and I do ever run into somebody who describes themselves as a Nuggnut, I will die a little inside. Of course, that will be after I strangle them with the sleeve of their turtleneck.
