Fat People Love Gum

"The Biggest Loser," in addition to making me feel better about my own body (in the first few weeks before they get all skinny anyway) has taught me a few things in tonight's episode:

1) Fatties do not like camping.

The crew was given a chance to camp for a week in the Grand Canyon and they spent the whole time talking about the bugs and how the cots they were sleeping on didn't have outlets for their hair dryers. Cry me a gravy river.

2) Fat people cry a lot.

So far 4 people have cried and I'm only halfway through the episode. The producers must hold their loved ones and pets off-camera and hold knives to their throats. I'm not buying the outbursts.

3) Product placement is paramount

Extra Gum, Ziplock Bags, Jenny-O Turkey, Jayco RVs, and 24-Hour Fitness all have cash invested in this show. The brand names are plastered all over this show, in addition to advertisements during the breaks. Depending on where the product placements are in the show, how they are used, their duration during the program, and where the ads are placed during the commercial breaks, the effectiveness of the branding could go a lot of ways. I would love to know how the sales of Extra Gum are the day after these shows.

4) The editor for this show is getting WAY too predictable.

Here is every edit before the commercial break.
-Fat people stand around.
-Alison Sweeney says something lame, but meant to be shocking.
-Voice over from one of the contestants saying something to the effect of: "we didn't know what was going to happen" (usually in a southern accent).
-Close-up of fat person looking into the distance with look of awe, always in slow-mo.
-Cut to Ziplock commercial.

P.S. -- I love this show.

Much Like the Ninja ...

... we must make the most of our environment. When life puts up a roadblock, you do not need to always stop, but find a way around it and continue on your journey. There are numerous things that get in the way of us reaching our full potentials, so we must use the resources at our disposal to find creative ways of achieving our goals.

Here is a crab riding a jellyfish.

The Media Love Gays

This week there were lead stories on major news Internet sites declaring that both Lindsay Lohan and Clay Aiken admitted (in one way or another) that they are gay.

My wife and I had a discussion last night about whether or not celebrities admitting their sexual orientations (when it is anything other than heterosexuality) is a good or bad thing in the context of social outcomes. Does Clay Aiken admitting his homosexuality encourage other people to embrace their own non-traditional sexual orientations when they might not otherwise have the courage to do so? Does hearing Lindsay Lohan talk about her relationship with Samantha Ronson make it more socially acceptable for other lesbians to come out of the closet?

I don't know the answers to these questions, but it's fascinating to me that large media outlets find coming out of the closet a front page story. I know that society at large has a hand in promoting celebrity stories to the top of the news feed, but it doesn't seem like something so personal should constitute national news. I'm don't have a full grasp on the infinite significance of media + sexuality + social implications, but it all seems really weird to me. I'm glad that we live in an age where it is becoming increasingly acceptable for people to express themselves the way they want to in respect to their sexuality, but putting a spotlight on it seems to separate it further than it needs to be. And really, did anybody think that Clay Aiken wasn't gay?

How to get a job acting on "Gossip Girl"

1. Grow huge 19th-century hypnotist eyebrows and glare at everything with stoned incredulity.

2. Be a tough guy ... again with eyebrows in defiance of God's plan.

3. Draw the ire of fellow celebrities with vapid stories of on-set shenanigans.




4. Be a total douche.

Cell Phones

The Metrolink train crash in Los Angeles a few days ago may very well have been caused because the engineer was using his cell phone when he should have been heeding a red light. 25 people died in the crash. Earlier this year in California (as well as other states) it became illegal to speak on a cell phone without a hands-free device while driving a car. There was very little opposition to this law because people understood that talking on cell phones is a distraction and there need to be consequences in place for those who put others in harm's way.

A friend of mine who lives in Texas sent out a Facebook message today to inform everybody that she was not ignoring them, but that Hurricane Ike had disrupted cell phone service and she was unable to get in contact with anybody with her phone. I can imagine that there are people who thought she was ignoring them, because caller ID has made it possible to screen all calls and filter out contact with undesirables.

I look at my own habits and psychological attachments to modern technologies and wonder whether or not they are ultimately making my life easier or worse. If I didn't have a cell phone I would save myself over $900/year. It may or may not be giving me brain cancer and I can't remember anybody's phone number anymore. I can barely understand my half the conversations I have because of weak signals on either end of the line and I end up having to make three to four phone calls to finish one conversation.

BUT ... I wouldn't be able to drunk dial high school friends late at night and let them know what I'm doing with their moms. That's priceless.

F. Scott Fitzgerald Approves

Comedy is one of those things that is not easily quantified. What makes one person spew laughter may make another pucker in repulsion. One thing everybody can agree on ... there is nothing funnier than a puppet making masturbation jokes.

Dumplings and Pigskin

The in-laws came into town this weekend and we showed them Boulder the way it's supposed to be shown. By that I mean we made them take us out to eat a bunch of times. New favorite food: Gnocchi (pronounced "noh-key"). It's Italian dumplings and it's amazing. It came with a wild boar ragu. Eating it, I felt like a really fancy Venetian mountain man. I also felt slightly more redneckish than usual since I had -- A) never eaten this food before, and B) never even heard of it. While most people surrounding my table at reputable Italian eateries are ordering delicious tongue twisters like Cassoela D'Anatra and Tacchinella Ripiena, I'm struggling to remember that two Cs make a "chuh" sound.

On an extremely important note, my dungeons and dragons sports season started yesterday (fantasy football) and The Papageorgios are well on their way to turning some virtual heads this year. Big shout-out to Greg for not starting Brett Favre this week in favor of the time-tested arm of Carson Palmer. Thanks bunches.

Giants 16, Redskins 7

All is right on opening day as the G-Men handled the 'Skins with poise and grace. Plaxico looked amped to be making $11 million this year and Eli looked pretty good for a goofball. Who knows how the defensive front is going to be with the loss of Strahan to retirement and Umenyiora out for the season with a bum leg, but they looked pretty damn good tonight for an opening game.

On a similar note, the front page of the New York Giants Web site is advertising Giants-themed Tiffany & Co. Jewelry to commemorate their Super Bowl XLII victory. Nothing says class like a crystal football helmet, or a $1,350 white gold pendant. Slightly trashy is getting more expensive.

New Job

The wife and I recently moved to Colorado and I got a bartending gig outside of Denver at a movie theater/restaurant/bar. It's a cool place with nice people, but I can't help but think that a master's degree makes me slightly overqualified. Oh, well. If the money's right, the money's right.

I can't wait for the money to be right.

Pepper Jack Loves Fraggle Rock

In honor of the upcoming season premiere of "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia," here's a favorite moment of mine. To set the scene a little bit, Sweet Dee and Dennis are trying to catch a prostitute killer by having Dee dress up like a hooker while Dennis waits in the bushes. The following ensues:

Welcome to my cyber mind ...

... not as if my mind is that of a robot's, but like this site holds the remnants of my thoughts as told through cyberspace. The external stimuli from the physical world makes its way into my inner workings, be it through firing synapses or some other primordial, less palpable form, and the whole of my existence flavors the subsequent feelings and thoughts that pulse through my soul, which I use an imperfect language to describe to the rest of humanity. This site is the course for the vessel of my mind, a tangible filter for my life in an intangible form.

And cartoons. I'll post cartoons here as well.

This is one of my favorite things ever.